You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
