Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
