booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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