there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
