Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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