My nipple is on Facebook.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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