i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
