Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
