I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
