So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
