I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
