At least make sure they are 18
Why
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
