Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
