I can text with my tongue
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
