Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
