There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
