I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
