Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
