I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
