Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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