tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
