How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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