The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
