when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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