I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
