I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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