A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
