just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
