Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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