i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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