stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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