I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
