Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
