Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
