I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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