Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
