Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
