You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
