I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
