I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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