Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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