He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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