i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
