Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
