Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
