Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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