I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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