You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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