Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
