She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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