Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
